Life is changed not ended

Jennifer Fleming

Born 27 June 1937, entered eternal life 13 September 2021

 

Eulogy given by Mark Fleming, Jenny’s son.

The day of the funeral is that day, … that day you never want to think about, or have happen.  That day you somehow have to find the strength.  That day you have to say goodbye to your Mum.

But nothing ever really prepares you to say goodbye to your mother and nothing will ever prepare me to say goodbye to my best friend.

Today we are also saying goodbye to a grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a mother-in-law and a beautiful caring friend to so many.

When I was preparing this Eulogy and trying to find the words that I thought best-reflected mum, there were 5 words that kept resounding with me, 5 words that I thought reflected perfectly, the woman we are honouring and remembering.

The first word was humble, Mum never needed the flash house or the flash car, she never needed fanfare or to be the centre of attention. She never wanted to go on overseas holidays or wear the best clothes.  All she ever needed to keep her happy, were the clothes she had on her back, family around her and friends to share times with and a warm bed to sleep in at night.

Selfless – Mum never put herself before anyone.  She sacrificed so much in life especially for her family, her children and her grandchildren.

Giving – Mum gave of herself, everything she had to give, to anyone that was important to her.  She would have given the clothes off her back or the last dollar she had to the people she loved.

Brave – Mum had her fears and insecurities, like all of us.  But she was never afraid to meet those fears head-on.  She was never afraid to take up the fight and she was never afraid to speak her mind and call it as she saw it.

Strength – Mum had such a strong will and a strong mind.  She was the most resilient person I knew … and she was the strength and the rock of the family.

She was the one you could always trust.  The one you could rely on.  The one who gave unconditional love.  The one that never said No!

Born Jennifer Neville on 27 June 1937, two years before the outbreak of World War II, to Rita and Fred Neville in the Victorian town of Mildura.  She was born in Mildura as her father Fred was a butcher by trade and the family had to travel around Victoria to where the work was at the time.

Jenny was the second eldest child and sister to older brother Ian, and younger brothers Barry, Brian and Kevin and younger sister Norma.  The family eventually settled in the Victorian town of Morwell, in the home at Hyland Street where the young Neville kids grew up.  Jenny went to Yallourn High School and made many friends in the Latrobe Valley area.  But the country life was never going to satisfy the young lady and the lure and excitement of the big city was too strong, so after finishing high school she bravely packed her bags and went to Melbourne in search of her independence and adventure.  She found a job in Melbourne working for an affluent family living in Toorak as their live-in nanny and housemaid.  This family was the Wynn family, part of the Wynnvale Wine dynasty.

Here Jenny found her independence and would often talk about the exciting times she had with the family when they would entertain the likes of Barry Humphries … and the affection she had for their son Toby as his nanny.  It was the mid-50s and Rock ‘n Roll was born!  With Bill Haley, Elvis and Little Richard sweeping the airwaves and Jenny loved her new life and the Saturday nights going to the Rock ‘n Roll dances at the local town halls or at the Main Ballroom at Flinders Street Station.

Her closest family in Melbourne was her Aunty Marie and Uncle Kevin Devery living in Berkely Street, Hawthorn and Jenny would spend all her spare time there with her cousins Erin and Sharon.  It was here that one day Uncle Kevin brought home a workmate in the form of a handsome, strapping, Irish immigrant, by the name of John Patrick Fleming.  Jenny was smitten and fell in love, and in 1961 became Mrs Jennifer Fleming.  The young couple moved into Henry Street, Hawthorn and honeymooned in Tasmania, she talked about this as one of the happiest times in her life.

Although the happy carefree times didn’t last too long when in 1964 she gave birth to her first child.  A very chubby, 9-pound baby, whom she named Mark.  Jenny had found her calling and was now the loving responsible mother she was destined to be.  If the rocking 50s were Jenny’s single, carefree years, the swinging 60s became her pregnant years!  In fact, she was so good at it, that between 1964 and 1971 she gave birth to another 4 children, Kerry, Ross, Shannon and Dale.  Her calling as a mother was complete.

These years also saw the family move from Power Street, Hawthorn to Albion Road, Box Hill and in 1969 the Flemings settled in at David Street, Surrey Hills.  The children went to Holy Redeemer Primary School and this is where the young mother, through being on school committees and active in the parish community, met some of her dear and lifelong friends.  The McCormack family, Brian & Geraldine MacDonald, Bill & Trish Watts, Norm & Maureen Tyrell, the Kidney and Hartnett families, where Lucille Kidney and Virginia Hartnett, were to become her dearest friends and share many special moments together supporting each other.

These were also the basketball years at the parish club SHMAC, where Jenny would never miss driving her kids to the games and cheering them on.  She even loved basketball so much that her two great friends Carmel Gangi and Sue Heffernan, talked her into playing at the ripe old age of 47 with the oldies team as they were called.  You can imagine how shocked her teenage children were when they saw their 47 year old mother, running up and down a basketball court in that skimpy uniform and those skimpy shorts!  But that was mum, never scared to have a go and be brave!  And she loved every moment of it.

That bravery and courage also shone through when, with her young family’s needs growing, she knew it was inevitable that she had to get her driver’s licence.  She was terrified of the thought.  She had never driven a car and never wanted to. But the brave young mum faced her fear and renewed her licence to drive her children around and give them the transport they needed.

Then came the 80s and after the basketball years finished, Jenny loved to watch her boys play football at the Canterbury Football Club, where she became known as Mrs Flem.  Loving the company of all the friends of her children and welcoming them all at David Street, cooking them a meal or washing their football uniforms, any time of the day or night.  The 80s was also when some new neighbours moved in next door at David Street, and from the first time little Erin Miller Bedford popped her head over the fence, Jenny had a new friend and an adopted granddaughter.  This started a wonderful friendship with her mother Jen and father Jamie and also started many late-night parties where luckily, we didn’t have to worry about upsetting the neighbours, because we were partying with the neighbours!  Then arrived Annie and Tom and mum had 3 adopted grandchildren.

The 90s were the years where she was just proud of her children and all that devotion and hard work she had given to them, was now coming back to her in pride and joy.  I remember how proud and beaming she was when she came to my graduation at the Police Academy, and when she attended Ross’s graduation at the Fire Brigade.  How proud she was of her eldest daughter who was now a school teacher.  Her youngest son making it to the big league and playing AFL football.  And I’ve never seen her look happier than the day she rode in a horse-drawn carriage to Our Holy Redeemer Church when both her and Dad gave away their daughter Shannon at her wedding, and how proud she was of her new son-in-law Mick.  She was just so proud to see her children grow up and enjoy the life that she had given them.

But I think her proudest day of all, was when she held her first grandchild Alice.  She now had a reason to put all her love and devotion into another new life, and that she did.  Jenny became Grandma and for the next 22 years, gave all her love and everything she had into being the best grandmother to Alice, Clare, Olivia, Joshua and Lachlan.

It was also at the turn of the century that her husband’s health was failing, and true to her giving and caring nature, she did everything she could to make Dad’s last years, as happy and comfortable as possible.  She never stopped being the loving wife and took care of her man until the day he died.  She sold up the home in David Street to pay for Dads needs and moved to a unit in Box Hill South.  After Dad departed, Jenny continued to work at the Chatham Lee Nursing Home where she cared for the aged.  At home, she was also taking care of her mother Dot, who had moved in with her as she was growing older.  True to form, Jenny was caring and giving and took care of her mother until the day she died.

After her retirement, Jenny loved just being with her family and friends, watching her grandchildren grow into the beautiful girls and young men that they have become.  She was so proud on Kerry’s wedding day and welcomed another son-in-law, Peter to the family.

We will always have great memories of her 80th birthday celebration at the Spready, where she saw how loved and respected she was.  She was also using her spare time doing volunteer work at a women’s refuge, with her dear friend Lucille.  Caring and giving until the end.

This beautiful, wonderful woman who spent her life giving and caring for her loved ones, had it all come back to her in her last few weeks and months.  As her health was failing, she was strong and brave until the end.  Surrounded by and cared for, by those that she had given so much to, her children and grandchildren.  Mum left us knowing she was loved, as much as she loved us!  And I will always treasure the recent weekend we had together revisiting our family holiday spot in Bright.

Even though there is so much sadness for us all, to have to say goodbye to this beautiful, remarkable woman, we need to remember and celebrate that we had her in this world for 84 years and she led a happy and memorable life that touched us all.  We were all so lucky to have her, and that is what we need to celebrate, a great life lived completely, that will never be forgotten and know that today’s sadness will be tomorrows treasured memories.

And as my brother Dale so eloquently put it….

“When God found out that the Demons and Bulldogs were playing in the Grand Final, he needed to get mum to heaven quickly, to keep the peace between Grandma Dot and Pat.”

 

 

Life has changed not ended

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