Sandor Andor Zallar

Born 30 October 1924, entered Eternal Life 6 February 2022

Eulogy given by Jennifer Frost (née Laing)

It is difficult to encapsulate the essence of a man and a life, especially one that spans 97 years and 3 continents and who was so well loved by so many people. 

Sandor was born in Budapest, Hungary, the elder son of Andras and Erzsebet.  His brother Andor (always known as Bandi) was born four years later, followed by his sister Anna (known as Babi) a couple of years after that.  His father worked as a policeman and looked after VIPs who visited Hungary, including Josephine Baker, the Prince of Wales and Wallis Simpson.  His grandfather worked at the Royal Palace of Gödöllő when Emperor Franz Josef and Empress Elisabeth came to visit.  Their original surname was Hutschenreuther, like the porcelain company, but the family changed it to Zallar (Sandor’s grandmother’s maiden name), as they felt it was too German; a decision which stood them in good stead once the Russians came at the end of the Second World War.  He was nicknamed Sanyi by his family and was later called Shan by his Australian family.  In Canada, he became known as Alec, the local version of his name Sandor, which means Alexander in English.

The family lived a comfortable life, in the brief window between two World Wars, both in Budapest and for a time in the country living in Békéscsaba in the Carpathian Basin.  Sandor was always a voracious reader throughout his life and his favourite books as a child included Emil and the Detectives and Jules Verne’s books such as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea.  He was also physically active, which again was an important part of his life, and learnt to fly a glider as a teenager.

Sandor was a member of the Hungarian Scouts and visited Germany in the lead up to the Second World War with a group of Scouts for a jamboree.  He told his family of watching wave after wave of Hitler Jugend (Hitler Youth) marching through the streets to join the jamboree and how jaw-dropping it was to see how fanatical these young children were.  He also remembered taking a clandestine photo of u-boat production at a shipyard in Germany with his box brownie camera under his arm, even though the children had been warned that photographs were strictly forbidden.  Sadly, those photographs were lost over the years. 

Another lifelong interest that Sandor developed in his youth was cooking.  He used to watch his mother and the family cook in the kitchen, and as an adult was able to make an amazing array of dishes, which everyone enjoyed, particularly during festive occasions at Christmas and Easter.  Sandor was very skilled at woodworking and in his later years made a lot of furniture for himself and members of his family, notably bookcases, as well as beautiful little wooden boxes that he covered with shells that he had collected during family holidays. 

Sandor studied agricultural science at the University of Budapest.  He was required to join the Russian Army once they occupied Hungary and then worked on collective farms after the war ended.  When he got to leave the army, he threw his gun into the lake at the Feneketlen-tó (park) and he showed his daughter Jennifer that spot many years later when Jennifer visited Hungary with him.  He seemed to have nine lives, narrowly avoiding being sent to a Siberian gulag when the Russians rounded up young men.  Sandor was being held in a football ground and saw an opportunity to escape through a gap in the fence when a couple of guards were distracted by a young woman!  He said that others watched him escape but were presumably too scared to follow.  That was Sandor – he was cool in a crisis, independent of thought and had an incredibly strong survival instinct.  To avoid the same thing happening again, he told us how he dressed as a woman to go through the streets of Budapest.  He married a young woman called Zsuzsánna during the Second World War but they drifted apart and the marriage was dissolved.  Sandor found living under Communist rule intolerable, and hated the games that had to be played on the farm when Communist officials visited.  He told us how the workers would bring the bounty through one door and out the next, then bring the same items back again, over and over; a ruse which everyone was complicit in to make the production targets set for them.  It could also be incredibly dangerous – Sandor once spent a few hours riding around in the back of a car being quizzed by Communist officials as to why his wife had genuflected in front of a church, which unnerved him.  He kept his head down and waited for an opportunity to leave Hungary, but knew he couldn’t seem too keen and attract attention.  He never told his family what he was planning, so that they could not be blamed for anything by the authorities.  That must have been heart-breaking.

Eventually, in 1955, a year before the Hungarian Revolution, he applied to attend a conference in Austria.  Once in Vienna, he went up to a policeman and told him that he wanted to defect.  It must have been such a momentous decision – to leave his family, with no turning back and the prospect of not seeing them for many years.  He became officially a ‘non-person’.  Sandor was told that he could wait to go to the United States, his first choice, or he could go straight away to Canada.  He decided to opt for Vancouver.  He enjoyed Canada immensely, although jobs in agricultural science were scarce, and he ended up selling life insurance to make ends meet.  He always used to say that he should have studied forestry instead, as there was plenty of employment to be had in Canada!  He became friendly with a couple who were very helpful to Hungarian emigrants and at their parties he met Errol Flynn on his visit to sell a boat, and Prince Philip.  He remembered both men as charming and great raconteurs; which could equally be applied to Sandor.  He loved a party, a good meal, and a nice glass (or two) of wine!  Frustrated that he could not forge a career in Canada in his chosen field, he applied to come to Australia in the early 1960s, where his uncle, aunt and cousins had settled. 

Sandor secured a job with the Soil Conservation of Victoria, and spent his first few years in Hamilton.  He took a cruise and met Margaret Murphine, when she was 18.  They fell in love and he proposed to her, but she felt she was too young to move across the country and away from her family, and they sadly parted.  Sandor met Patricia Sheedy at the Soil Conservation when he moved to Melbourne with his work and married her in 1968.  Sandor and Patricia bought a unit in Yarrbat Avenue, Balwyn, which he lived in until he was 96 years of age!  He worked on various research projects for the Soil Conservation across the State, 

Patricia sadly passed away in 1982 and Sandor regained contact with Margaret.  They realised that the sparks that were there back in 1961 were still there, and they married in 1984.  They were very happy.  Sandor was full of life and vigour, always interested in what Jennifer, Andrew and Bronwyn, were doing, and was there when they needed him, although respectful of their relationship with their father Graeme.  After Margaret became ill with cancer, Sandor and Graeme became friends, this was a testament to both men and how much they cared for Margaret. 

Sandor and Margaret travelled a lot during their marriage, both in Australia and overseas, and visited Sandor’s sister and mother in Germany and his brother, niece and cousins in Hungary, as well as the UK, New Zealand, USA, Egypt and other parts of Europe.  They both loved the ballet, good food, history and reading and Sandor introduced Margaret and Jennifer to the opera.  He loved the beach and always enjoyed visiting Queensland, particularly Cairns, Noosa and Dunk and Lizard Islands.  One of his favourite films was ‘Travelling North’ with Leo McKern and he always dreamed of moving to Queensland when he retired, but the prospect of being so far from his family stopped him from doing so on a permanent basis.

We have great memories of Sandor and Mum cooking wonderful meals for family and guests and the love and laughter that was part and parcel of those shared rituals.  Sandor welcomed Carolyn, Brett and Warwick partners of Jennifer, Andrew and Bronwyn, and walked Jennifer down the aisle at her wedding in 2019.  He was a proud step-grandfather and used to give each of them a birthday card every year with coins representing the amount of their age.  He became an honorary grandfather to the children of Margaret’s sister Toni, when they lived in Melbourne.  Sandor was also loved by his nephews and nieces from his marriage to Patricia and the children of his cousins living in Australia, they all recall wonderful times with him.  Sandor loved visits to Hungary and was always nostalgic when he thought about Budapest.

When Margaret died, Sandor was bereft, but he continued to live life to the full.  He visited India in 2010 and the tour guide was amazed at his age and how energetic he was, leading a group on a walk up a hill in Rajasthan.  He became friendly with Anne Sorahan, who used to live at the group of units where he lived, and they often used to have Sunday lunch together at Camberwell and dinner at local restaurants.  Sandor also took up bowls and walked every day, as well as continuing to act as the Body Corporate Secretary where he lived.  He learnt how to send emails, watch ‘The Crown’ on Netflix and surf the Net, but never really mastered the mobile phone, which drove us all crazy.  He read constantly, including the Game of Thrones novels, the Poldark series and many novels by Alexander McCall Smith, which he loved for their humour and whimsy.  Sandor tended a small courtyard garden and grew staghorn ferns and beautiful orchids, which were his pride and joy.  He wanted to end his days at his unit, living on his own terms, but it wasn’t possible during his last twelve months of life.  He did enjoy living at the Connault however and it was a few doors down from his unit in Yarrbat Avenue, so he could look out from his room at the street that he had grown to love over so many years, with its beautiful trees that changed colour in autumn.

He touched many lives and will live on in our hearts.  Thank you Sandor for everything.